What The Hell?
by Elpheen
Summary: [DISCONTINUED]If you walked downstairs and found two gorgeous guys in your room, what would you do?
1. OhMyGod

Right, this is me second fanfic, me other one's under Larky's name coz I only just got meself an account. It should be on here in a couple of days. This is just a little bit o' fun I had when I was bored in German.  
  
Disclaimer: I, unfortunately, do not own Legolas or Jack as of yet, but I do have 50-odd posters plastering me bedroom wall, if that counts? Oh well, we can but dream!!!  
  
What the hell.?  
  
You'll never guess what happened to me the other morning. I was in my room watching the POTC blooper reel (again!) when I heard this "thunk" coming from the living room. I was alone in the house, so my immediate reaction was that I had company (i.e. a burglar), so, in true Buffy style, I pulled on my 4-inch boots, grabbed a pointy-wooden-thingy from my desk, stopped by the mirror to check that my hair was perfect - you just never know with thieves; they can be sooo cute sometimes, you just have to feel sorry for them getting mixed up in crime - and stealthily tip-toed out of my room and down the stairs.  
  
I stopped just outside the living room door. Good for me, because just then an arrow came whistling past my face. What burglar carries a bow 'n' arrow with them? I thought. Now it was just getting weird. On an impulse, I kicked open the door - and froze.  
  
"'Ello, love," came a drunk voice from the corner of the room.  
  
"Oh. My. God," I was astounded. Who should be in my house, but the most gorgeous pirate ever? "J-Jack Sparrow."  
  
"Tha's Capt'n Jack Sparrow to you, love."  
  
"But where did that arrow come from then?"  
  
"That would be me. Legolas Greenleaf, Prince of Mirkwood at your service." "Oh. My. God," I repeated. The two most gorgeous guys on the planet were standing right in front of me. "Right, what the hell are you two doing in here?" I demanded. Not that I was complaining, but I was curious as to why they were there. Who wouldn't be?  
  
"Rum?" Jack offered me his empty bottle.  
  
"No, you plank!" Then I realised he wasn't offering it to me - he wanted a refill. "Sorry, Capt'n. No rum 'round here."  
  
"Hey, he's got one of my arrows!"  
  
"What d'ye expect? I'm a bloody pirate, for God's sake!"  
  
"Come here - now!" With that, the angry elf proceeded to chase Jack around the room. Seeing as the drunk pirate was, er, drunk, he ended up tripping over his own feet, and landed on the floor with an arrow pointed at his heart.  
  
"Parley?"  
  
"No-one steals my arrows and gets away with it, understand?"  
  
"Alright, you two, break it up now. Jack, I might just have a bottle of me dad's rum in the dining room, savvy?"  
  
"Sav- hang on, that's my word! Where did you get it from?"  
  
"Long story, doesn't matter now. I'll be back in a minute, and if either of you are dead when I come back, your life won't be worth living." I went into the next room, and found a half finished bottle of rum and some fruit I thought Legolas might like.  
  
"Capt'n, I've got you some ru-," I stopped short. The room was empty! It must've been one helluva day-dream - or else I'm just too obsessed. I guess I should take me mates' advice an' stop watching so much POTC!  
  
But then something caught my eye: in the corner of the room were an empty rum bottle and a perfectly fletched arrow. I could feel a smile spreading over my face.  
  
"Thank you," I whispered. And I swear that somewhere behind me I heard a "Your welcome, love," whispered back.  
  
Hope ya like it! Now, before you go, you see that little button down there in the corner? Yes, that one, the pretty little lilac one? Well, just click on it and tell me what you think! If you could be bothered to read this, surely you have time to review! And if you do, maybe this fanfic will come true. (hehe, that rhymes!) 


	2. What now?

I wasn't actually plannin' on havin' any more chapters, but seein' as you all seem 2 want more, I changed me mind! Thanx all u guys 4 reviewin' I really appreciate it! It makes my day 2 go online an' find new reviews! Please don't be afraid 2 criticize coz it really helps. Also, if any1 has any ideas 4 later chapters, don't hesitate 2 tell me-I'm always open 2 suggestions!  
  
JessWess:no,it wasn't intended 4 u, but it can b if u want! and wots wiv god singin in the shower?!  
  
Pallu:don't u mean of course it would be if it was written by moi?c ya @ skool!  
  
LinLan: it.is.a.story.of course it's crazy!(and it's written by moi, queen of the crazies,so yuh!)can't w8 2 c Mizzy again!  
  
nicole297: ta! hope u like the nu chapter!  
  
Kess: yeah, but Jack is way fitter than Will-he can b so thick @ times in the movie! Orli's another matter tho...!  
  
Lady Galadriel1, Jupiter's Light (cool name!) and lilwlfy: here ya go!  
  
Disclaimer: I STILL own nothin'. Honestly, some people just have NO sympathy 4 us fans! But I DID get that GORGEOUS Orli poster-thanx Kaz!  
  
Right, on with the story!  
  
Chapter 2: What now?  
  
(set a few weeks later, by the way, this story is what "I" am writing in my diary)  
  
You know a few weeks ago I mentioned that seriously weird experience with jack and Legolas? Well, today, something equally weird, if not weirder, happened. I am not actually writing this at home ? you?ll see why soon. Here is my day:  
  
I woke up really excited cause I was going to be visiting my cousins in London later, and I was going to be travelling alone - no parents, YAY! So, anyway, at about 11:00 that morning, I was waiting at the station for a train. The journey was quite boring, but I had books and food, so it wasn't too bad. Anyway, I must've fallen asleep at some point, because when I felt the train jerk to a halt, I looked out the window, to find myself on the suburbs of a large town, that most definitely wasn't London. When I stepped out of the carriage, carrying my small shoulder bag, I could smell the sea. I looked around and saw a strangely familiar town in front of me. I walked down the road until I reached the docks. Now I knew where I was and why it seemed so familiar. A ship with tattered black sails was docked not far from where I was standing. Having watched POTC so many millions of times, I knew that wherever the Pearl was, a certain Capt'n Sparrow wouldn't be far away. Sure enough ...  
  
"Not you again, love," I spun round.  
  
"Yes, me again, Jack," I emphasised, knowing how worked up he got when he wasn't called by his full title.  
  
"What d'you want?" so he was ignoring my 'rudeness' then.  
  
"Well..." seeing as I was with the Capt'n Jack Sparrow, I might as well have some fun, "I've always wanted to see the inside of a captain's cabin," I smiled flirtatiously.  
  
"Hold back a bit, love, I've only just met you!"  
  
"Since when has that stopped Capt'n Jack Sparrow? What about all those whores then? Scarlett, Giselle...?" I let my voice trail off.  
  
"Welcome aboard, love. At least until Gibbs has his say in havin' another woman on board."  
  
I smiled, and followed him onto the deck of the most wanted ship in the Caribbean.  
  
sorry it's so short! I'll try an' make the next chap. longer, savvy? After readin' all those "JackYou" fics, I got so jealous that I wrote my own version – wiv me instead o' you, o' course!Waddya think folks? Lemme know wiv dat li'l button in the corner, savvy? Ta. Next chapter up soon-ish! C ya, wouldn't wanna b ya! (Though of course, you all wanna be "me" coz I get 2 share a ship wiv our darling capt'n!) bye! 


	3. Pot Noodle

A/N:2 all my luverly reviewers: I LUV U ALL!!!!well, most o' u. *hem*Kess*hem* Anything between * and * are "my" thoughts. Ne1 hu wanted random stuff...here ya go!!!!!!!!!! Soz, but I don't have time 2 answa allll reviewers.  
  
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Chapter 3 ~ Pot NOOOOOdle!!  
  
It was nothing that I would ever have imagined. Sure it wasn't exactly paradise, but with Jack nearby, it was close enough. Nothing was where it should've been – rum bottles scattered over the floor, random drawers looked like they'd been ransacked and on the desk was – of course – his famous compass-that-doesn't-point-north, his sword-that-was-half-expected- to-be-made-of-wood, pistol-with-no-additional-shots-nor-powder and 'is 'at.  
  
*Hang on.*  
  
I remembered my baggage and pulled out the refilled bottle he'd left behind and walked out of his messier-than-my-bedroom cabin. I ran into Gibbs, who was eating pot noodles.  
  
"Wait – eh, you there!" I called to Gibbs, forgetting his stupid superstitions.  
  
"Aye, young Missy... Hold up there – you're a woman!"  
  
I looked up and down myself. Wearing a tank top and a mini skirt, I figured it was preeeetty obvious. "Nooooo, you think?"  
  
"Er... Aye? Sorry... a friend o' Jack, is a friend o' mine."  
  
"Riiiiiiiiiight. Er... why are you eating Pot Noodle?"  
  
"Pot... what? Say what you mean, young Missy."  
  
"I mean what I say, it is the same thing, you know. And I do have a name."  
  
Gibbs gave a well confused look, so I saved him the time and breath of asking.  
  
"Charlotte. Lottie for short. Inventor of bean and potato salad, lover of Pringles and Pot Noodle, savvy?"  
  
"I think I'll stick with the pot..."  
  
Jack poked his head round the door.  
  
"Hey! I've told you once, I won't tell you again. Savvy is MY word, MY OWN, my precioussssss........ Hang on. Wrong script, this is Will's."  
  
"Actually, I believe that's mine."  
  
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A/N:  
  
Jackoholic: Legolas, I thought you had business to do in Lothlorien? That's why you had to leave at the end of chapter one.  
  
Legolas: Yeah, but I can't exactly go around saving people if I don't know my lines, savvy?  
  
Jack: Not you too!!! How many times? It's MY, repeat, MY word, savvy?  
  
Jackoholic: *waves li'l white flag* Ok,ok, I surrender. We'll use Capish! Instead, capish?  
  
Kess/Elven_Elements/My-Best-Mate: Now you're stealin' MY words!!!  
  
Jackoholic: What can I say? Pirate! I like stealin' words, capish? Now, Legolas, get ya script an' scarper. Legolas stays put THAT means: IF YOU DON'T GET YOUR ELVEN BUT OUT OF THAT DOOR IN THE NEXT THREE SECONDS YOU WILL NOT LIVE TO SEE ANOTHER SUNSET. Kess, go write some more o' your fanfics, an' Jack...go drink some rum!!!  
  
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Riiiight... on with the story....  
  
I had a sudden thought.  
  
"Jack... I believe you left something behind...."  
  
"Eh?! Whassat?"  
  
I dangled the refilled rum bottle over the side of the Pearl.  
  
"No. NOT GOOD. Definitely NOT GOOD."  
  
"Oh. So it is of value."  
  
"YES. DEFINITELY of value."  
  
"Ah. Well... I'm not going to drink it, so I think you better have it."  
  
I chucked the bottle to Jack, who caught it, an expression of relief imprinted on his face.  
  
"Ahhhh... Rum..."  
  
He took off the cork with his teeth, spat it out and took a swig. This was the moment I had been waiting for... The moment of truth. He tasted, swallowed, blinked several times, pushed his face into the most wide-eyed Jack-Sparrowesque expression possible, before gasping and saying quite simply.  
  
"That, Luv, is not Rum."  
  
"I did notice."  
  
"But it's one helluva lot better."  
  
He continued breathing heavily.  
  
*God, he is soooooo sexy when he's bewildered.*  
  
"Got any more?"  
  
I grinned.  
  
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A/N: VODKA!!! I lurve it. Shaky, shaky, movy, groovy, Yup, IZ Elaveeeen_ElaMEEEEEEEEEEEEEenTALLIiiiiiiIIIIIIIIIIiiiiiii deranged, I am ElaMEEEEEEEEEEEEEenTALLIiiiiiiIIIIIIIIIIiiiiiii deranged, mon. Dude, I rock, as does Leggy here. Yes! He's come back. I couldn't bear to let me beeeeeeEEEEeeeeesty MATeY HpeRE sY AppEeeERsy chuck him outta da stooooooory, so he's comin back @ sum raaaaaaaaaaaaandom point ov eachy chappiedooz.  
  
Rite, I apologise 4 dat random laoda crap from me best m8 Elven_Elements aka Kess aka Elaveeeen_ElaMEEEEEEEEEEEEEenTALLIiiiiiiIIIIIIIIIIiiiiiii deranged. She helped me wiv dis chap coz I had a bit o' writer's block, so I thort it fair 2 let her say summat. That may have bin a bit of a mistake, but nehyu  
  
Oi Thas mi wrd, as IS caaaaaaaaaaaaaPIIIIIIIIIIIIIshi nawishi!! Hehe he he HEEEEEEEE! Mwa ha aha ahahh a ahah ha ah ah! !!  
  
Kess, step away from the keyboard b4 I press the detonate button  
  
1. U r in MI house, on MI ketboard. 2. Usually, a detonate button is called a Detonater.  
  
Now... why dint I think of that? Neways, u know wot I luv more dan Jack? Yep, u got it: REVIEWS!!!!!!!!!YAYSIES!!!!!!!!!All you have 2 do, is click dat li'l bluey-purply kinda button sayin GO!. No woz, It ain't illegal or nethin. Just, click it and type woteva random crap that comes in2 ya head, savvy? 


	4. Spring Clean

A/N: I lurve all u reviewers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Jupiter's Light: u r me FAVOURITE revieeeeeeeeewwwwweeerrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!glad u like it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Jackoholic's li'l bro: u r CRAAAAAAAZZZZZZZZZYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
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Chapter 4: Spring Clean I stood and watched Jack for several minutes as he swayed – more than usual – on the spot. It didn't take long for the not-quite-rum to take its effects. Jack toppled to the floor in a state of unconsciousness.  
  
"Told you it wasn't rum," my grin now resembled a Cheshire cat's as I looked across at Gibbs, who had a noodle hanging out of his mouth, and appeared to be in a state of shock at what I'd just done.  
  
A/N: Jackoholic: Ok, Legolas, you can come out now!!!  
  
Legolas: Are y-you sure the n-nasty p-pirate w-won't hurt m-me?  
  
Jackoholic: Yes, Legolas. Now, don't you have things to do?  
  
Legolas: Y-yes.  
  
Jackoholic: Then go an' do them!!!  
  
Legolas: Ok.*makes as if to walk through a door that is kinda hanging in mid-air, sorta like a visible version of the windows in "His Dark Materials"*  
  
Jackoholic: *puts on sweet, innocent voice* Legolas? You don't happen to be doing anything later, do you? Coz I was wondering if you wanted to meet up sometime...?  
  
Jackoholic's li'l bro: Oh, stop flirting, big sis.*in Tarzan voice* He. Elf. You. Human. It. No. Work. Between. You. Savvy?  
  
Jack:*temporarily wakes up* What is it with you people an' stealin' MY word?  
  
Jackoholic: Oh, go jump off the back of a ship. *hits him over the head with a saucepan that has magically appeared from nowhere*  
  
Jack: Not sure I deserved that. *collapses – again*  
  
Jackoholic's li'l bro: Kissy, kissy, smoochy, smoochy... dat's wot u do wiv Legolas...AND Jack – 2TIMA!!!  
  
Jackoholic: Helllllllllooooooooooo?! U 4got Will an' Orli!!! Honestly, li'l bruvas. Can't live wiv 'em, could live perfectly well wivout 'em. Only jokin', luv ya really!!!!!!! Ya plank!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Jackoholic's li'l bro: Nehu, how did I get in2 this loada crap?! I'm off.... For now... DUHN,DUHN,DUUUUUUUUHHHNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Remember! Kissy, kissy,smoochy,smoochy! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Jackoholic:*shouts in2 disance* good riddance!!!!!!!!  
  
Legolas: *pokes his head through window* Actually, he's got a point. How DID he get in2 this loada crap?  
  
Jackoholic:*whilst throttling li'l bro* 1.dis is MY story, so stop interrupting me. 2.It is NOT, repeat, NOT a loada crap, sav- whoops, wouldn't wanna get Jack annoyed again, now would we? *shouts* SAVVY???????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Nehu, back 2 de story – apologies for my li'l bro. I'll have 2 do sumting about him, won't I, guys an' gals?*gives li'l bro evil glare*  
  
Rite, here ya go!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
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"While he's out of it, I think I'll give his cabin a spring clean," I said to myself, "God knows it could do with one!"  
  
"He's not gonna like this. He's not gonna like this at all," Gibbs sighed.  
  
"Helllllloooooooooo?! That is the whole idea," I said in response. *Where is everyone? I thought ships had really big crews.* "Right, ALL HANDS ON DECK," I yelled.  
  
About 20 pirates came rushing up to my feet. "While Jack's out cold, I want dinner made...on second thoughts, I'll make dinner, and you lot can tidy Jack's cabin."  
  
I went on to tell them where to put everything, and, satisfied that they were scared enough of me to do as I said, I made my way down to the ship's galley (that's kitchen for all of you terribly ignorant couldn't-ever-be-a- pirate people). I'd done my cookery badge at Guides (or Girl Scouts – whatever) and so knew how to throw a few random ingredients together.  
  
Just as I was putting the final touches to a dish that looked surprisingly edible, I heard a cry of distress from above. I grinned. Jack had woken up and walked into his cabin to find it spotless.  
  
"What's wrong?" I asked innocently, as I kicked open the door, with Jack's dinner in my hands.  
  
"My...my cabin!!!My...lovely...messy...cabin!!! Where in Satan's name IS everything?!"  
  
"Well, your clothes are there, your stationery there, your effects here, and we threw the rum overboard," I finished, wondering what effect my last words would have on the drunk pirate captain.  
  
"My rum. My lovely rum. All gone," his face dropped. Suddenly he got angry. "Why? WHY IS THE RUM GONE?! Honestly, what is it with women and getting rid of my rum? First Lizzie an' now you! Well, I hope YOU won't marry a eunuch!!!"  
  
"Jack, calm down. It's under your bed."  
  
"It is? IT IS?!" He knelt down by his bed, and pulled out two bottles of rum.  
  
"Please don't tell me you intend to drink TWO WHOLE BOTTLES of that stuff in ONE GO?!?!?!?!"  
  
"'Course not, luv. One's for you," he threw the rum to me and I caught it perfectly.  
  
"Ta, Capt'n. Here's to piracy," I drank the whole bottle in one go – having 3 bottles of alcohol every night at Destiny, my local night-club, had helped in making sure I didn't get drunk easily. Jack watched me the whole time in amazement as I downed his rum faster than him.  
  
"You like it then? You hold yer rum better than any other lass I've met. Yer full o' surprises, Lottie."  
  
"There are a lot of things you don't know about me, Jack."  
  
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A/N: Well, waddya think? A bit shorter than Chap. 3, I know, but hey! Keep reviewing, and I'll keep writing, savvy? Oh, an' I'll try an' get me li'l bro 2 stay AWAY from the keyboard 2! 


	5. Some Interesting Occurences

A/N: Right,if I don't get AT LEAST 10 reviews 4 this chappie, I'm not updating!!!If you've already reviewed,REVIEW AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
nehu, on wiv reviewery repliey thingies:  
  
Jupiter's Light: YOU ROCK!!! THANKIES SOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH 4 REVIEWIN!!! I LUV U!!! Yerse...I is Hypa. I think iv sed dat...  
  
let me rest in peace: Rest? Il tel u summat – u aint gonna get ne rest round ere, savvy? Oh wel, we cant all hav it... mi story, I created it, meanin is ME in der.... YAYSIES!!! I GET JACK!!!  
  
Clueless-Patty: HALLO! 2 u 2!!!ha!u can't do nethin 2 me now coz iv updated!!!and yeah,but hu wouldn't like him?with his GORGEOUS brown eyes, cute li'l beard,AMAZINGLY sexy voice, his obsession wiv rum.....  
  
LoveJackSparrow: Ta!!! if u like me fic,then I like u!!!  
  
CJ*-Cj: I know!!! I would so TOTALLY do that in real life if I met him just 2 c the look on his face!hehe!  
  
cyber-eyes: we really need 2 sort Jack out with that bloody word, don't we? I know: SAVVYSAVVYSAVVYSAVVYSAVVYSAVVYSAVVYSAVVY.........etc.that should get him annoyed!!!(Jack: 2 rite it duz!!!u w8 til I get me hands on u!!!)actually,wouldn't mind him getting his hands on me...................!!!!!!!  
  
Elaveeeen_ElaMEEEEEEEEEEEEEenTALLIiiiiiiIIIIIIIIIIiiiiiii deranged: Or just Elven_Elements... rite, im gonna HAVE 2 ration ur coffee!!! Hope u had a good time in Wales(as if!) n if u stop goin so hypa,I MITE get u n easter egg,sav- oops!can't use dat word!!!capish?!  
  
Ok,it mite start getting a li'l bit more serious now, but I will keep the randomness in. PLEEEEEEEEEEEZ help me wiv ideas!wot d'u wanna happen next?i can PROMISE u it WILL happen IF u TELL ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I'm fed up of speech marks, so from now on, it's in script format, savvy? What I'm doing  
  
Chapter 5 – Some interesting occurrences (oooooh, long word *every1 applauses*)  
  
*God, this is good rum* stumbles  
  
Jack: You alright there, luv?  
  
*Course I am, you're here* Me: Ummmm, yuh.stumbles againJust – woah – fine.  
  
Jack: You sure, luv?  
  
Me: Wha- collapses  
  
*******A few hours later*******  
  
I tried to turn over, but found that I couldn't. I looked down and saw Jack's arm around my waist. I managed to slip away from him. *Thank God I'm still dressed*  
  
Me: Jack. Jack. JACK!!!  
  
Jack: Aye  
  
Me: We didn't, you know, do anything last night? Other than drink rum I mean. *He is just SO cute when he's half asleep!*  
  
Jack: No. Shame really.  
  
I shoved him gently.  
  
Me: Now don't you go getting ideas, Captain.  
  
Jack: Me? Ideas?  
  
Me: Jack, you don't really want me to actually throw your rum overboard, do you?  
  
Jack: You don't want to be doin' that, mate.  
  
Me: Oh? And why not?  
  
Jack: Because I might just have to teach you a lesson.  
  
Me: And what kinda lesson might that be?  
  
Jack: This kinda lesson.  
  
He leaned forward and kissed my lips gently. He didn't linger, but pulled away after a few seconds.  
  
*No, don't leave me now. Not after that*  
  
Me: What exactly was that for, Captain?  
  
Jack: You mean you didn't like it?  
  
*No, I loved it.*  
  
Me: I just don't think we should be acting like that so soon.  
  
*What are you saying? You totally think you should be doing this so soon!*  
  
Jack: Suit yourself. I'm always here if you change yer mind.  
  
Me: I'll bear that in mind.  
  
*What? Just kiss him again, you idiot*  
  
Jack: Good.  
  
Me: I'll be going up on deck. Care to join me?  
  
Jack: O' course, luv.  
  
He brushed a strand of hair out of my eyes and smiled. He stood up, held out his hand for me to take and pulled me up.  
  
Jack: Are ye sure ye don't want to try that again?  
  
Me: Yes. Quite sure.  
  
Jack: Well I'm not, I'm afraid, so you'll have to excuse me, but...  
  
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MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!oooooooh, cliffie!!!im sooo evil!waddya think o' the script format?tell me, coz im not sure bout it.nehu, click the li'l purpley-bluey button that says GO n make me VERY happy!!!while ur @ it, pleeeeez go n review me other 2 fics.iv got hardly ne reviews 4 'em so id gretly appreciate feedback! Remember, reviews=chapters!!!!!!!!! Bibi luv ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! xXxXxXxXx 


	6. Another Kiss

A/N: Ok, sorry I haven't up-dated in a while, but I've bin *hem* busy!!!!!!!!  
  
Chapter 6 – Another Kiss  
  
Gibbs: Jack! Capt'n! We're under attack!!!  
  
Jack: Ok, let me see ... Navy, pirate, merchant ship, Tradin' Company, Will or England?  
  
Me: Ummm, Jack?  
  
Jack: Aye? Oh, an' it's Captain Jack.  
  
Me: If they, you know, fight ...  
  
Jack: Then, yes, ye can stay here. Don't need to be scared, luv, Ol' Jack'll take care o'  
ye.  
  
Me: ... can I help? *What are you saying?! You'll get yourself killed! Stop trying to  
impress him!*  
  
Jack: Are you serious?  
  
You nod, keeping eye contact with him. He sees the determination in your eyes and sighs.  
  
Jack: I haven't really got a choice, have I, luv?  
  
Me: Not really.  
  
Jack: Well, if yer sure, I s'pose I can't stop ye, can I?  
  
Me: There is one way ... *Yes!!! ReeSULT!!!!!!!!!!*  
  
Jack: It being...?  
  
Me: ... one o' these.  
  
I walked over to him, and kissed his lips, waiting for a response. He moved his hands to my waist, and I lifted mine round his neck. Just as I thought things were about to get interesting – he was practically devouring me – Gibbs knocked on the door again.  
  
Gibbs: Capt'n? We really should make a stand – it's a heavily loaded merchant ship.  
  
Jack replied, rather breathlessly, that he'd be up in a minute.  
  
Me: Bloody pirate!  
  
Jack: Does that include me?  
  
Me: O' course not. You're even worse!!!  
  
I ducked a swat at my head, before kissing him lightly, almost playfully, again.  
  
Me: You know Capt'n, I don't fancy being trapped down here whilst your ship is under  
attack.  
  
Jack: I know exactly what you mean love. Go grab a sword from that chest an' join me  
on deck, savvy? An' try not to do anything ... stupid.  
  
Me: Aye, aye, Capt'n.  
  
He cupped my cheek, gazing into my eyes for a second, before joining his crew on deck for a battle. I sighed to myself, wondering at the look in his eyes before he left. It wasn't love, nor was it pity. Desire? I could only hope. After a second I realised I had better join him. Grabbing a sword, a dashed up the stairs for my first pirate battle.  
  
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A/N: Sorry about the shortness. I'm suffering from a bout of the Writers' Block at the moment!!! Anyway, please give me some ideas for future chapters; ye don't have to put it in a review – email it to me, savvy? Ok, now ye've read this, ye can all REVIEW!!!!!!!!!YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


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